Hello old Friend, it's good to feel you again.

It's always the holidays that make me want to start blogging again. I start reminiscing about years past and Christmases that I'd like to revisit. No other time in life makes us think of the past like Christmas. I think it's because its probably the only month of the year that I actually do everything almost the same. My decorations and ornaments are brought out, looking old and crumbly from years past, the smell of a fresh cut tree, twinkly lights and smells of cinnamon and pumpkin pies. Feeling full all the time and the music. Christmas music can take me to times and places I've spent the holidays with the first few words of a familiar song. It doesn't matter how many times I've heard the familiar tune, my mind drifts to the very moment I was when I heard it last. I watch all the same movies each and every year and I even eat the same things with mostly the same people. Christmas is like a rewind button playing over and over, a constant state of  dejavu. Not in the weird way you dream something over and over and can't wake up. But in this delightfully predictable way that feels like your home. Something you can count on, like mom's stuffing, and making your kids leap for joy with a new toy. I normally don't like a lot of the same. I change my mind a lot. But a few rules apply, I don't change my mind about, my husband, my children, my family and Christmas. Everything else is game.

This is our first Christmas in our new house. It's colder, grayer, bigger, and better in so many ways. The changes in our families are paramount. Things I always thought I could count on have fallen away, new faces are being introduced and old ones have left. Some days it takes me a minute to even recognize this life and what its become and still becoming. But this month, December 2016, still feels like my old friend has arrived. Daniel and I have welcomed Christmas like the old friend we knew needed to show up. Holding dear the traditions we've carried on and began anew. Amongst the turmoil and craziness of life today, it's a welcome respite. Just looking back on this blog of Christmases past, it brings comfort like a blanket right out of the dryer. Which now means something to me since we've moved to the mountains!

2015

2014

The Zimmermann's Big Move #zimmsmovetothesticks

So here it is! We're moving! To the sticks..yep, to a little tiny town called Camp Verde. It's still in Arizona and is actually the first place my dad's mother's family settled, before Arizona was a state. (just got your history lesson in today) It's one of the few towns in Arizona to have its very own river that runs all year and most properties near the river are irrigated, which for a dessert dweller is a BIG DEAL! It also has about 3 of the 4 seasons, I'm used to just 2, Summer and Spring.

It's been a LONG.SLOW. process. We've been in escrow now for 90 days, yep 90. Thanks to this amazing USDA loan, we've had lots of circus type, fire ringed, people eating lions on the other side, loops to jump through. So at this point, we still don't have the keys but I've been promised that I will by Thursday. And well I just couldn't help myself.

 I'm showing the far away picture because this house needs some love. The light blue, rust and orange color scheme must go. But it has good bones and lots of character! Oh did I mention lots of green!

 This is the back yard...yes you do spy a river running through it! No, Brad Pitt and Robert Redford do not regularly fly fish here, I checked.

 The front yard view is pretty too, we just need a wrap around porch so we can sip on sweet tea in rocking chairs. (working that into the blueprints)

And just one more of the back yard, because its dreamy and I'm excited to host some pretty extreme parties down by the river.




SO just a sneak peak of the interior:

I know your hoping to get that black southwest metal art for Christmas this year. Careful what you wish for! I'm also guessing your hoping I'll share the color of rust that is all over those walls. I wish I knew because I would.

Being an hour away from life here in town will be an adjustment for all of us but one were ready to get used to for a slower, quieter life in the country.

I will be posting updates on the renovations...stay tuned!

Keep the change you filthy animal!

This may have a familiar ring, if your like me and tend to watch some of the same Christmas movies every year. This little gem is from Home Alone. Every time I say the word "change" , that line comes to mind. And over the past year it seems fitting.

Change is hard. Not the dollars and cents kind, I actually like that kind of change. No, the rock your world, knock you off your favorite comfortable life chair, kinda change. It's been almost a year since I've been able to write anything legible, read an entire book or sit through a movie without getting antsy or feeling overwhelmed. This. is. not. the. normal. me. I have changed. Life has changed. I'm trying to keep up and it's hard, no it's impossible, there is only today and I just have to survive it. Leaning on anything but the solid rock of Jesus would have left me sinking in the sand right now. I feel like that's a hymn I used to sing. It never made a lot of sense, but now I get it. I get a lot of things now and I'd like to be blissfully unaware again, but change happened. In my head I know that I will get to see once again, my dad, my best friend, my aunt, my babies I lost before I even knew them. But my heart cries out for them in a more tangible way than ever before. Grief upon grief changes you. I WILL SEE THEM AGAIN. I'm thankful that as a child God took hold of my heart and told me those truths. He knew I'd need a deep root of belief . So here I am working through change and surviving a lot of loss and some near misses. Realizing the mortality of who I am and everyone round me like never before. And honestly it makes no sense to be able to get out of bed and start a day with joy or hope. And yet, its been a gift to me. The fear that tries to cover me and stop me in my tracks is miraculously pushed back with a power that is not within me. It is that gift that gave everyone in all of history the ability to survive great tragedy. I'm only talking about first world tragedy....there are so many that make my grief look like a walk in the park. I know that in my head, but my heart can't process that. So like anyone, I can only truly grieve what I've survived.

Most days, I'd like to yell to the world "Keep the change you filthy animal" and well, I do. I'm guilty. I'm also human and perfectly imperfect in every way.

New change has occurred, over the last 3 weeks, I've read a book, I've sat through church without falling to pieces, I've watched an entire movie without getting up to clean something, I've even taken a nap. Something inside me is slowing down and allowing me to not be so afraid to feel my own heart beat. To except the change without so much anxiety and fear. I might not be so changed after all. I thought the grief had transfigured me into someone I didn't recognize. But here I am typing two full paragraphs of somewhat recognizable thought. My grief counselor was right, this is a process. I am changed. I hope for the better. More cautious to take time to say the things on my heart to my people. I've learned to love people who are hurting, I've learned that being alone and feeling deeply isn't so scary after all. I've learned that change is inevitable but it doesn't have to transform you into something you don't like. I've learned that if you allow it, healing can take place.

I am not the same, I've sustained an injury that may never completely heal. Like losing an arm or a leg. I know it will never grow back, but I'm learning to keep running the marathon. It's a whole lot harder and comes with great pain. But it's my race to be run and although the casualties have been great, the blessings are greater still.

Read John 17. It may change you a little.

I prayed for a word and all I heard was Quiet....

#quietin2015
#joyin2016

I walked into one of my friend's homes and on her chalkboard was a verse.

10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Ephesians 2:10New Living Translation (NLT)

Within the verse, the word Masterpiece was underlined. I told her I thought the verse was beautiful and asked her why masterpiece was underlined. Her answer changed everything that year.

My friend's mother, prays for a word for the year. A word that will encourage her, guide her..I'm not sure exactly how she goes about getting her word. Honestly, that's a journey we all have to figure out. So when she has her word, she uses it throughout the year to find a verse and at the end of the year, she gives her children gifts that correspond with the word and verse. so i guess that explanation didn't really change EVERYTHING..as I so dramatically put. It was more the process that I found myself in while searching for the word. that I think actually changed EVERYTHING.

It was January of last year, and I decided to make a New Year's resolution to start journaling. I've made this same resolution since I was 12 and since I don't have any jam packed journals laying around, its a common failed resolution. But in typical New Year fashion I began the process. It looks like this: set the alarm for 6:30am...get out of bed around 7:00am...drag myself to the coffee maker...and the picture is clear. I'm not naturally a morning person. 

So I began to pray for a word, something that might guide me through the year, a verse that had a message. All I kept hearing was Quiet. Be still. And in this quiet came a strength that surpassed all that was humanly possible.

 At the time, Michelle was very sick and most of my time was spent trying to be available to her or her girls. I could have never known how this year would change EVERYTHING. 

journal entry - January 19, 2015 

What's a word for this year?

slow

want

change

grow

quiet

That's it quiet

quite my life, quite my words, quiet my wandering thoughts, quiet time, quiet my soul, quiet all my answers, quiet all my quick solutions, quiet my free time. 

I had no idea how much this small little word would help me survive the death of my best friend to AML (Acute Myleoid Leukemia) and then my dad to the same cancer that same year. 

QUIET

In Quietness and confidence will be your strength. Isaiah

Last year, I was given a gift. Where I actually felt the tangible God that loves me. A voice spoke into me when I needed it most. 

My strength came from the quiet.