For Privacy's sake..I've been cheating on my blog

It's been a long, twisted, sad road this year. May is already rounding out and I haven't gotten past the loss we had in February or the blow that my dad has cancer. My thoughts have been thus that I have been keeping a journal, privately writing my thoughts and pasting in verses and pictures like a 12 year old girl. It's painful to look back and read these passages, see my pain on paper. Read the thoughts that have raged within my soul. Time passes so quickly and the world continues to move so quickly around you, even when life stops. I've been going through the motions of life and yet my mind has been firmly established in grief. Grief is a funny thing. It opens your eyes to many things that seem trivial and so many things that are the foundation of your very existence. I've learned how to Zentangle, I've followed 10 new people on Instagram and started painting again. It's amazing what we do to occupy our minds when they threaten to pull us under. I've created 3 new stations on Pandora, cult-followed 3 full seasons of a new show on TV, bought new school curriculum, planned a memorial service and have been more needy to my friends than I ever thought possible. And yet, in January I prayed for a word and a verse. Something that would get me through a year that had a foreshadowing of pain. I've met each morning, with coffee in hand, my friend Jesus. I ask and He answered.
Quiet...
That was my word. According to my journal it was January 19th. One month before, almost to the day that I lost my sister, Michelle Mason. I didn't understand the word, but I am thankful for it. It has been hard to remain quiet these past few months and I have not always followed this advice. But it is always in the back of my mind and in the forefront of my decisions. I've also been asking for a verse, one that will carry me through the year and one that I use for Christmas time.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope come from Him. he alone is my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken - Psalms 62:5-6

In Quietness and confidence will be my strength - Isaiah 30:15

Big words for little ol me. Thankful I don't have to do this on my own.

Today I'm facing the greatest battle I've known. Watching my dad battle Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, when the treatments will stop working. I can hardly bear it. And some days, like today it's so overwhelming I can't focus on the life in front of me. 

I'm not sure how to derive strength...

Brooke in Real Life

Why does it seem that when anyone writes "Real Life" on Facebook it's the drudgery of their day? Is it a terrible thing that real life can also be good life? I don't think anyone of us are shallow enough to surmise that life itself isn't just plain hard. We all have struggles, battles, sickness, grief and loss. I can lose my mind over my computer crashing as fast I can my kids fighting. I can fall apart in moments, when I think of my friends who are sick, really sick. But "real Life", the one that can bring me out of my despair or the one that gives me hope in humanity, is not my MSN feed. Nope that one just reminds me of our natural depravity. Today I was reminded that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We get to hope in the fact that we are loved through all our "real life" drama and joy. Life is about the ups and the downs, right? So I personally love to see the lists of people's joy and family funnies on my Facebook Feed. Like I said no one is so daft to think that those joyous posts are the meat of our souls, right? In light of  the Christmas month, I was just sitting by my fire this morning, drinking a cup of coffee and meditating in the Word and in Prayer and I was hit with the realization that we are allowed to be hopeful and joyous and restful, even within the anguish in our day.  Being real also means sharing the joys and beautiful things in our lives. I get to live in a world with a reality of sorrow, that is true. But I get to be loved with perfection. So today, well this morning, while my house is quiet and I'm being reflective by a warm fire and a glowing Christmas tree, I'm going to rejoice because today it was given to me. The cynical side of me knows that at any moment that could change and that life as I know it could forever be altered..... But the truth is, the good days get to be "real life" too.  Love cast out all fear. So here's to loving that "real life" no matter the outcome.

Here's a little real life conversation that happens at my house:

Cozy, Braxtyn and Quinn in my bathroom getting ready:
Cozy: Am I done? Can I go?
Quinn: We are getting cute.
Braxtyn: We are all so cute.
Quinn: I'm the cutest!
Braxtyn: You just took that to a whole new level girl!

Quinn: I'm so stressed out, wait. What what does that mean?
Braxtyn: It means you have too much on your plate and you can't eat it all.

At Archery and Graham's friend Elea was being picked on.

Graham: I'll take care of it.
(walks up to a 15yr. old boy and let him know you don't pick on girls)
Graham: (to Elea) It's handled he wont bother you again.
(Later Graham proceeds to jokingly rope the boys feet as he walks)
The boy: Ok Graham your younger than me but since your a real cowboy and can actually use a lasso. I respect you.

My Huckleberry! 

My rules for an awesome Christmas!

Christmas is a month long of traditions and I love it! My rules for an awesome Christmas are as follows:

1. Christmas music is the only acceptable sound that should come from my home from November 28-January 1st

2. A tree and decoration must be up no later than the Saturday following Thanksgiving

3. Each week something homemade and sweet must be baked in the oven.

4. Even if I have to open the doors and windows, a fire shall be in the fireplace most evenings and occasional mornings.

5. Coffee. Every. Day.

6.  Even if I am done Christmas shopping I must visit a shopping mall

7. Reading a novel to the kids by the fire each evening

8. No School from the 2nd week of December to the 2nd week of January

9. Parties!!

10. A visit to see Santa!

11. My Birthday is an integral part of my Christmas month and I have embraced it and made it my own with time cut out for just me and my little family. 

I look forward to our Secret Angel game with the kids. Each family draws a name and we do things for each other all month. We then buy a small gift for our person and reveal it on Christmas Eve Eve. We also watch a Chrsitmas movie and get new P.J.s. I almost look forward to December 23rd more than the actual day!

Truth in The Tinsel has been a new tradition this month. So much fun to create an ornament each day! Christmas Eve brunch is also a new thing since my Sister in Law is a nurse and works on Christmas day:(. 

Today I will join the Be The Match group. One little cheek swab and I will forever be a bone marrow donor. I am excited to see if I'm a match for Michelle, but I was a little apprehensive to be a match for another person, a stranger. It's a big commitment and I keep trying to think if there was a stranger that was a match for my friend I would absolutely expect them to donate to save her life. So what's my problem??? I'm afraid.  Bottom line, I worry about the effect of the whole procedure on my family. Being an organ donor was a no brainer (pun intended), it just seems selfish to keep perfectly working organs in a body that's already gone. But to take something from your healthy body and share parts of it with a total stranger, now that was a different thought process. I'm absolutely ok with it now, I've read about the process, I'm ready for the possibility of a match and therefore we are going this morning to be tested. It just took some time getting used to the idea.

Raising a dream boat one year at a time

12 this year. It feels like a big one..I'm kinda not ready for it. But I love this kids to the moon and back. 

 Amazing Jakes with his buddies

Baseball party at the park

My little "dream boat" is 12. He's been dreamy since birth. He stole my heart early on and I can't believe he's getting old enough to be stealing other girl's hearts. Not that he cares one bit about it quite yet, but just last weekend at his archery tournament, he stood around flipping his hair and goofing around in his own fun way. He was surrounded by young ladies who giggled at his every move. Oh still  my beating heart...two girls had the audacity to "ask him out"!!! He didn't give the invitations a second thought and to my great amusement, looked at them funny and continued to act like a 12yr. old goof ball. I'm grateful that he's all mine and I don't have to share him for a while longer now. Which is why I take him out on dates as often as I can. I know these days will fly away all too quickly.

Tuesday night we went to the 10pm showing of Mocking Jay.

Thanksgiving 2014

Thanksgiving is an easy day to be thankful. If we are lucky, we are surrounded by the people who matter the most to us. We eat great food and enjoy the love around us. This Thanksgiving was especially lovely. We had our second annual "Friends"giving dinner. We were blessed to have so many wonderful people who came and ate with us. Our little home held 24 adults and 15 children just fine! It was a special night celebrating people we love. By Wednesday, we were at my mom and dad's house baking pies and having a giant sleep over. By the evening on Thursday we drove to Daniel's parent's home and had more food and more dessert! We were filled to the brim with thankfulness and food. 

I wish I had been better and taking pictures for each event. Unfortunately so many of our friends and family are not pictured here. 

 So thankful for my dad's health right now. He has gone through so much this year.