How do you sum up a life? I suppose I could write pages and pages from the time of my first memory to tonight. Would it be a comedy, a comedy of errors perhaps..or a love story, yes definitely a bit of that and of course drama. ...I don't think it would be deemed a tragedy, although I have suffered a few. It seems on a daily basis I could write a chapter on each of the above. But tonight as I reflect the past year, I am both in awe and left wondering, " WHAT NEXT!!!!".
And ahhhh...what can I say? This year has been a chapter in lessons learned and many still to come.
.......There is another life I'm thinking of, it won't leave me, the memory sits in the back of mind, only to resurface at the weirdest times. Yes, this memory is part of my very crazy year. Being only August, I am yet awaiting the next few months with hope and a little dread. However, this moment in my life happened after a length of a lifetime of waiting, I suppose. I don't remember waiting for this moment, I thought of it here and there, never really desired it, or yearned for it. Just knew it was connected to me and then it finally pulled me, tugged at me, nagged at me until I finally resolved that it would need to be put to rest. And now, in its aftermath....I suppose it's resting.... Not festering or welting up inside me as it was in the last few months....just resting and yet resurfacing, in moments ... It is strangely attached to me, and it seems although I've spent a lifetime of oblivion to it, it is still connected. I can't quite explain this moment without a lot of background and although I have probably created curiosity, I am not in a place to be completely open about it. Maybe writing it like this is therapeutic..I can't explain it, but to put to writing the whole truths and names and connections would be offensive to me. So somehow I will just remember this time, this passing visit as a balm to a festering question that grew inside of me without me knowing its effects. I am forever effected and angered and most of all saddened. What a waste, what a very wasted life I witnessed and now how grateful I am.........that that was not my life as it so easily could have been. That in another moment, 29 years ago, my life as I know it was set in motion to be as it is today. And I am so very grateful.
A life...is impossible to sum up in words, but for me, catching that glimpse of another life..a connection to my very blood..is summed up.
My life was saved by A saviour who knew me even then, before I knew He existed and He had THIS plan for me. And although this year has held so any things that have been hard, it has been filled with a newness and closure that I didn't expect and I am thankful for all of those moments...and all the moments to come that will shake me to the core and leave me on my knees grateful for His grace and His plan...