Strong willed children are a blessing to the world, they will be strong leaders maybe even the world's leaders. However, they are the hardest children to raise. Starting out on my parenting journey, I never imagined that I would have a willful child. A dramatic child, an emotional child even a slightly rebellious child...but not a strong willed, I will do as I please no matter what you do, child. Nope, never crossed my mind. I think all of us before we had children, said something like this, "My child will never ___________". Fill in the blank. I had a list, I was going to be a mother with well behaved children in all circumstances and I would never yell at them. I suppose I should learn that whenever I draw line in the sand that way, without experience in the matter, I am always doing some back tracking. I am now the mother of 5 children, all who are extremely different in every way. 4 out of 5 are incredibly strong willed and although the other one is quiet, watch your back if you cross her. Needless to say, my husband and I have a genetic makeup for the "difficult" toddler, the "crying" baby, and the "Leader" of the pack type. I of course became worried when I first took my adorable 3yr. old son out for a play date and had to immediately start disciplining him for not hitting, biting, climbing and such. At home, I determined he was just a rambunctious boy. A boy's boy, nothing to fear, he'd grow to be a man's man, right? Well, as I sat and watched my friend's children, I realized they could mostly sit and talk with each other as their children played at their feet. Their children who were at walking age, allowed them to hold them and visit, rather than squirming and wiggling until they were free to roam about. I've read many parenting books, I've tried many forms of correction and I have come to the conclusion that many things work and many things do not. There is no magic formula to being the perfect parent to any child. I will say, that I have found diligent, purposeful parenting with consequences and follow through, have been the secret to raising these remarkably strong children. I am now watching my 12 year old son march out and take on the world, and I am so thankful for that adventurous spirit. The little boy to who squirmed out of my arms, climbed to top of the everything he could, the boy who bit and clawed his way to the toys he wanted, has become a leader of the pack. He is able to navigate through his world with ease and thankfully, uses his brain instead of his teeth to work out his difficulties. As each one of my children reaches ages of maturity and socially become aware of how their decisions effect them personally, I am amazed at their fortitude and strength to tackle the issues they face. The future with only tell how many more battles we will face as we parent on this journey with each one of them. But I am now more confident and much less fearful of it all! I write this to remind myself that all this hard work does pay off. As of late, I have had daily battles with my 3 yr. old daughter. She challenges my parenting like no other before her. She was our surprise gift and she takes her job of being a toddler, very seriously. So now, on to my list.
What every parent with a strong willed child knows to be true:
1.
Public tantrums WILL happen.
No matter how much you prepare, bribe, leave the store without buying anything, discuss consequences, spank (gasp), ground....public humiliation is part of raising a strong willed child.
2
.Bedtime and Naptimes will be a battleground, but one worth the fight.
No matter if your strong baby needs to sleep or how tired they are, they will battle sleep. At some age, usually toddler, when they are aware that the world goes on while they are slumbering, they will fight to gain control of this situation. This one, for me, is worth the battle. I NEED them to sleep! Just 1 hour of re-charging can make the day go smoother and a good night's sleep is priceless for survival.
3.
Not all babysitters can hack it.
This is not a job for the week minded or feeble of will. When mom and dad need to fly the coop for a night out, you need a babysitter with an arsenal of tricks. Usually grandma and grandpa are the best bet until the kids are older and can be threatened with all sorts of losses of their freedoms and added chores to their lists. Otherwise expect to come home early.
4.
Their fight is strong but their love is stronger.
You may do battle throughout the day, but once you overcome that strong will and reach their little soul. Once you win them over to see the light, they are your champion. The willful child is one with a passion that is unmatched. Don't miss the opportunity to see it by giving up the fight.
5.
Never let them see you sweat.
Your weakness is their opportunity to try and run their world.Keep calm and carry on. (easier said than done!) Thank goodness for Love and Grace right?
6.
Always let them see you caring
When a strong willed child sees you waiving the white flag they think you've stopped caring about their feelings. They need more than any other child, to know your willingness to go journey with them. Even if it means sitting outside their door for months at a time, getting them to stay in their bed, or sticking to your guns about why your not letting them play video games even though they didn't do anything you asked them. Oh boy, this could be another list!
7.
Anger is par for the course
First comes want, then comes anger, then comes a battle. When your really tired read #4.
8.
They will lead the masses
This is a big responsibility as a parent. But an even bigger one as the strong child. They will never be happy following a crowd, so they will lead one. Be sure to instill character into your children.
9.
Teach them to battle with self-control
This is the hardest of the list. Battling with a child when they are 2 or 12 is just a fight if there are no lessons to be learned. Each battle, no matter how its started, must end with a lesson in character and a lesson in self-control. How else will they learn to use their will for good?
Below are some resources that I go to regularly:
The strong Willed child by James Dobson
Loving your kids on purpose by Danny Silk
Jesus Today by Sarah Young
The Holy Spirit by praying your head off!
