What a time we've had in the last two months! As I reflect I have to wonder what in the world God has in mind for us. In the last eight weeks we have been blessed, crushed, over-joyed, heart broken and find ourselves searching for where God wants our hearts, minds and attitudes. I have to say that my heart and attitude have not been in the right place most of the time. Thankfully, God is merciful and he renews us with mercy's each and every day...if we are willing to accept them and recognize them for what they are. My prayer has been to open my eyes to them and let them overpower me with joy that makes no sense in today's trials. And again, God answers my prayers even when I fight it. To sum up the last eight weeks, I have been sick at heart and sick to my stomach. My joy came 7 weeks ago when we found out we are having another baby. We have been trying for 7 months and after a surgery to help us get pregnant, we realized I was pregnant during the surgery! Thankfully I was so early on, the pregnancy test at the hospital showed negative and our little baby just clung to life as my doctor did the surgery. I was 6 weeks by the time we realized I was pregnant. Which was totally the Lord protecting me from worry. I normally miscarry in the 6-7 weeks time and this time I was through it with a positive ultrasound and little beating heart! God knew I would need a reminder of His miracles over the next few weeks. And each day my heart hurt; my stomach turned and hurt and I was reminded of the healthy little baby growing inside me. I have never been so thankful for having the very worst morning sickness I've ever experienced. As each week passed and seemingly new stressful things happened, the Lord protected our family. Truly protected us..I can't be thankful enough how He had His hands in each situation, allowing us to learn through it and yet shielding us from the worst. It has taken me 8 weeks to be able to write this and even recognize God's hand in everything. I know these things to be true but I so easily forget. And so now, as each situation is simmering rather than flaming up I can say that yes, my heart still feels the searing heat of the fire but the shaping of God's hands in my life brought me through the fiery furnace with blessing on the other side.
I realize I haven't been super clear in this post, but I hope you understand that God is still working on me in all of this and to be clear would be to underestimate what God can do in each of these things. Ok, cryptic again, sorry thats all I have!
After we did what we could, this is how we spent the day. My parents came over and my neighbors came and sat with us periodically. He will truly be missed at Suchawee Ranch.