Tired of confessing my worry about worry..

I have finally finished Christmas shopping! Tonight, Daniel and I had Jaime babysit while we ran all over town making returns and buying things. I started to get a little stressed, its so hard to pick out the perfect gifts for everyone. I'm not stressed over the money really or the time, the wrapping, its more an inner feeling of excursiveness. I love having a big family and we do draw names, so I'm not buying for each person, however, 26 presents, not including the 12 purchased for the kids (3 from us and 1 from Santa x3) later.... It feels like so much. I actually really love shopping for each person and trying to think of the perfect gifts, I even love the wrapping and putting them under the tree. I listen to Christmas music non-stop from Thanksgiving to New Years, so I'm no humbug! I just can't help but wonder if this gift giving starts to teach our children that we have to have a lot of money to enjoy Christmas, that just celebrating Jesus isn't enough. Noah couldn't even think of anything to ask for for Christmas! Are we raising kids who have need for nothing, who have it all, who don't know the true feeling of desiring something? I remember wanting a huge doll house so badly. We couldn't afford those things, so I made a dollhouse out of cardboard boxes. I thought this was the best doll house ever! I was thinking about a story that I'd heard about people who lived through the depression. They used to make these Christmas cards that were ornately decorated and pass them out. That was their gift to each other. Those cards have been saved and passed on through generations, to remember that time. I don't think my kids are gong to pass down their Power Rangers, or video games, or barbies. I don't think there is anything wrong with gift giving, like I said before, I love to do it. But what are we passing down that we will cherish enough to pass form generation to generation? I'm not so vain as to think my sweet smile and kindness is enough, I think its the sacrificial gifts that are what matter. Think of the lady at the Temple, who gave her only and last coins to the Lord, in comparison to the rich, it was nothing. But her sacrifice, her giving heart was what the Lord cherished. I want my children to learn to give gifts of their hearts. I'm not sure how to teach that. And I hope I don't look back on these abundant Christmases and wish I'd done something different. I'm thankful we can share the gifts with each other, but I want to pass on a special treasured gift that comes from the heart that it is passed down through generations. I'll have to ponder that for next year... Who knows making cards may be all we can do next year. God gives and he takes.

This year has been reflective for me in many aspects, as I've studied the books of Job and Romans. And although I've fought God along the way about change and loss, I've finally released it to Him (well today I'm feeling pretty good about it:)). And you wouldn't believe the stress relief! So I suppose, as I come full circle, being stressed about a lot of giving is just as bad as being stressed about not having enough. DO I always have to find something to complain about??? It is just as easy to sin with worry when everything is going great, as it is to sin with worry when it all falls apart. So as Christmas approaches and excursiveness begins, I will enter it with a thank full heart and joy, knowing that God gave an abundance this year! And then, when things get hard, my children will learn ( a lot faster then me, I'm sure) that God gives an abundance in that time as well. And about giving something that is so important that it will be passed down from generation to generation...well, God already did that. Didn't he?? I guess one less thing to worry about, see what I mean, STRESS RELIEF!:) Posting this to the public is probably stupid, but sometimes it helps to dump my thoughts, read it back and then realize, I am seriously not perfect!